I have a 30ft catapult filled with chicken droppings - and I'm not afraid to use itThe headquarters of Joe Weston-Webb’s portable flooring empire is protected by security fencing, motion-sensor lights and CCTV cameras.
None of these conventional measures has deterred arsonists, however, and in desperation, Mr Weston-Webb has now fortified his defences with less orthodox technology left over from his time as a travelling showman.
A 30ft Roman catapult, loaded with chicken droppings from a nearby farm is primed each evening. And a cannon, which Mr Weston-Webb once used to shoot his wife across the River Avon, will fire a railway sleeper if triggered by an intruder.
Mr Weston-Webb was yesterday erecting a sign outside his business, which stands at the end of a farm track in the lower valley of the River Soar in Nottinghamshire – a place known locally as Soar Bottom. It reads: “Warning: These premises are protected by smart-poo and railway sleeper projectiles.” (Read more...)
1 comment:
I've been waiting for the right time to tell you the first insult I learned. My father taught it to me, and it's "Du bist ein Aufgestellter Huhnedreck!" Literally translated, it means, "You are a standing up chicken turd!" but perhaps the more accurate translation would be "You are a Chicken turd on two legs!".
To pronounce the insult, see below:
owf geshtelter hirne dreck
Go light on the "r"s.
Love,
M
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